Fear of Change

Fear of change is a human trait. We like our comfort zones and tend to have to be forced into making a change by external circumstances. John and Emily are a good example of this. They had lived in the same home for over twenty years. It certainly wasn’t their ideal property; they complained regularly but year after year they put up with all they disliked about their house and its environment. In spite of their dissatisfaction, they never fully considered moving until they were faced with external circumstances that necessitated a move. Both John and Emily fiercely resisted the forced move every step of the way; however, after the move they wished they had chosen to move years earlier because their lives were enhanced by the change.

And so we cling to our comfort zone – even if that comfort zone is not very comfortable or appropriate – for fear of the unknown. This is embodied in the saying “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t know”. And it does of course make a huge assumption that making a change will mean an encounter with yet another ‘devil’, when it fact it could be a huge blessing.

Since change will occur anyway, it is wise to consider ‘voluntary’ change – making a change in one’s life without any external triggers or drivers. Dreams are that sort of potential change. Our dreams provide us with the vision... and then there’s the personal mind chatter – our own in-built naysayer. The naysayers are strong on telling us how difficult it will be to fulfill the vision.

It’s as if there are two people – the one who wants to have these wonderful changes, and the frightened other who points out all the reasons why it would be better to keep to the status quo. The first person is the ‘real’ you – the person you are at your core unencumbered by fear. The second is your Inner Critic or Gremlin – usually built up over a period of time taking on the rules, fears, and excuses of other people.

So, can you work with these two versions of yourself and overcome your fears? In order to bring about change it really is worth working on the WHAT for a long time until what you want to change gets absolutely clear. You need to be able to envision a day in your changed life; see it in your mind’s eye, smell the smells, taste the tastes, sense the movements, hear the sounds as you see yourself living the change.

If you are dreaming of making a change in your life, try taking this first step. Spend some time envisioning – and enjoy the experience.

There is a physiological reason for focusing on the ‘what’ in this way. You are building up a new neurological pathway in your brain – a ‘gestalt’ or picture which your mind can accept as real. This will help you move towards this change and not fall back to the status quo. Only when you are fully clear about the ‘what’ of the change, should you even start to think about the ‘how’. This means being strong even though the Inner Critic or Gremlin voice constantly intervenes and gives you advice as to why not, or what to watch out for, or how difficult and painful it is going to be.

And what about the change process itself? How you perceive or anticipate it, will invoke the self-fulfilling prophecy. It is so easy to run the story of what ‘might’ happen – and very often this results in you taking no action. Fear once again raises its head. So how about seeing change as an adventure? It makes a good metaphor. Like any adventure, you should not set out unprepared. Getting prepared for the change that you have clearly envisioned helps to give credence to the shift you are preparing to make.

So, as we look at change, realizing that fear is present is a good thing. Excitement and fear are very closely allied in our spectrum of emotions – why else would white-knuckle rides at the amusement park be so popular? If you have decided to undertake your own white-knuckle ride, remember:

1. Do some self-awareness work first so that you are able to approach your desired change from a place of personal strength.

2. Spend time envisioning where your white-knuckle ride is taking you. And here the analogy ends: it should not be bringing you back to the start of your journey!

3. Look at making your change as if it were an adventure. No matter what type of adventure you choose to use as your metaphor, it is inevitable that you will need help, you will need allies, you will need to anticipate some of the terrain . . . and you will do the journey one step at a time, perhaps even setting up base camps along the way.

4. Determine what your first step or two will be — do not try to figure out the ‘how’ of your final destination.

5. Feel all your emotions so they will move through you rather than pull you down or hold you back.

6. Set out – yes with some trepidation – but also with the joy of the journey ahead and continue moving forward one step at a time.

by Lynn Hull And Julie Molner
Source: www.isnare.com

Fashion as a Passion

Fashion has always been the biggest interest of human being. Especially for women, it has become a passion to be fashionable and good-looking; and in the same way, they’ve become shopaholics. So, there’s an important question, what’s the real aim of this fashion storm in the world? Is it just for women to feel better and look good? No, I don’t think so...

Every year, the style of dress is changing and it’s becoming impossible to keep pace with it. The designers are struggling for being the most different one. Sometimes, they exaggerate so much that they create clothes that can’t be worn in normal life. For them, it’s not important whether these clothes can protect us against the cold, it’s only the apperance that make them sold. However, some mads of fashion buy them just because they are “in” and they seem funny when wear them...

Consequently, nowadays, fashion is only a tool for exploiting the women who desire to look beautiful. No matter how the product are expensive or unnecessary, they just buy and make the people who work in the area of fashion rich. Is the situation same for men? Well, maybe in the past, it wasn’t but I think, even if they condemn the women, men are becoming more and more addicted to the fashion day by day...

by Merve Sağıroğlu

A Dream Within A Dream

Take this kiss upon the brow!

And, in parting from you now,

Thus much let me avow--

You are not wrong, who deem

That my days have been a dream;

Yet if hope has flown away

In a night, or in a day,

In a vision, or in none,

Is it therefore the less gone?

All that we see or seem

Is but a dream within a dream...

***

I stand amid the roar

Of a surf-tormented shore,

And I hold within my hand

Grains of the golden sand--

How few! yet how they creep

Through my fingers to the deep,

While I weep--while I weep!

O God! Can I not grasp

Them with a tighter clasp?

O God! Can I not save

One from the pitiless wave?

Is all that we see or seem

But a dream within a dream?

Edgar Allan Poe

New Forms of Intercultural Communication in a Globalized World

Communication is the basic concept in explaining globalization. Globalization can be observed as the worldwide expansion of a functionally differentiated European society through intercultural communication.

In this society, since the 17th century, intercultural communication has assumed the form of a modernist ethnocentrism based on values such as knowledge, pluralism and individualism.

During the 20th century, historical changes created the necessity for new forms of intercultural communication.In the last decade of that century, a transcultural form of communication based on dialogue was proposed as a basis for cross-cultural adaptation, a creation of multicultural identities and a construction of a hybrid multicultural society.

However, this transcultural form creates paradoxes and difficulties in intercultural communication, mixing the preservation of cultural difference with the search for synthesis.

Consequently, a new form of intercultural dialogue, dealing with incommensurable differences and managing conflicts, is needed to create coordination among different cultural perspectives.

Claudio Baraldi,
University of Modena and Reggio Emilia
- SAGE Journals Online -

Turn Off TV, Turn On Life!

In modern society, there are some technological devices that make life easier and more enjoyable for us. They provide us a priority in this information age. However, generally, they have some negative effects on us. Television is the only one of these devices.

With the invention of television in 1920s, people started to explore the magic effect of it. As it was rare and expensive, T.V was seen as a luxury, an unattainable thing. However, year by year, as the life standards increased, it became much more easier to get. Thus, it spread quickly and became popular especially among the families. It turned out to be a mattter of competition, namely, which family had a more sophisticated T.V was a concern of matter.

This “dizzy device”, in a short time, has captured our daily lives. We’ve no more had something more enjoyable to do, but watching T.V. In the begining, it was so fantastic to witness the other people’s lives. We started to throw all the tasks together and spend more and more times in front of T.V. We had no longer visitors and nice chattings at nights; instead, we preferred watching the studied adventures of fake people on T.V. While these happened, we omitted the real life activities and even missed witnessing the growing our children. Nevertheless, it was too late to notice that we had become volunteers to be slaves of T.V.

What can be done? What is the best things to do to get rid of T.V’s harms to us and next generations? How can we expel it from our daily lives? Is it possible to live in a society without T.V or are we strong-willed enough to give it up? No, I don’t think so, it’s nearly impossible to live without them. However, we can give it a try to reduce the hours we wasted. Well, then, what about going and turning off your T.V, and turning on your life?...

by Merve Sağıroğlu

LITTLE WHITE LIES

Have you ever lied? Do not say “No, never!” I won’t believe in you because you lie even while saying “No!”... Lying is a bad thing; however, it’s sometimes necessary. What matters is the reason that makes you tell a lie.

Everybody tells at least a lie in his/her life. In our daily life, there are lots of people who lie to us and whom we lie to. For example, salespeople, friends, teachers, siblings, parents, etc. Even sometimes, we lie to ourselves! So, do you think this means that we are bad people? No, not always.

Sometimes, you lie just because you need to. This kind of lies are called “white lies”. In some situations, if you don’t lie, may be somebody will be hurt. For example, your child drew a picture. It doesn’ t look like anything but you say, “Oh, it’s wonderful! Well done, honey...” Yes, you’ ve lied but this little white lie has encouraged your child and made him/her happy.

Sometimes, you disregard the truths - or lie to yourself. Because you want to feel good. This may be a good idea when you are sad or hopeless. However, you should not be hooked on it too much. It’s similar to the daydreaming. I’ll give a simple example: Think that you want to go on a holiday but have no chance to save enough money for it. You crave for it and you are sure that it will come true one day. So, you are making preparations for holiday. You ‘re buying a swimsuit, sun-cream or looking at the advertisements to find a good hotel. Well, you’re just cheating yourself. Do not dive into the deep, you may be drowned in the swimming pool of that hotel. Yet, who knows, may be one day you find yourself while sunbathing on the side of the that pool...

To sum up, neither you nor the others must be given damage because of your lies. Sometimes, it may be useful to tell a lie – but just for simple things. Do not make it a habit of you. Anyway, how could we cope with this liar world without telling lies? We should play the game according to its rules...

by Merve Sağıroğlu

Educational Quotes

The Broken Pot

A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.

At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his house.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you. I have been able to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house. Because of my flaws, you have to do a lot of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.

The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you've watered them.

For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."

Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding...

Source: The Feel Good Page

IF

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling